I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
