and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
