i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
