we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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