Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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