Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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