Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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