Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
