The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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