worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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