I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
