That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
