woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
