I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
