she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
