He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
