You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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