I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
