If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
