She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
