look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
