I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
