You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
3pm strippers are depressing
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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