I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
