i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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