...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize