what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
