I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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