she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
where does the pee come out of this thing
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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