This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize