i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize