is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
