I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
