i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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