Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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