You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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