That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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