Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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