Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
