New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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