it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
