You know, be my cock's hype man.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
