He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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