how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
