No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
