Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
