i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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