So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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