im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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