you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
