I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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