From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need to calm my uterus...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
