there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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