i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
