im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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