He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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