I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
