We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize