Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
