i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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