I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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