I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
