I'm drive I can fine osifer
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
